The
world works in a fashion in which it is needed that humans collaborate with one
another in order to facilitate proper innovation. Although there may be
different industries of expertise in the world, they all do work under one
system that interconnect communities and are able to expedite the advancement
of civilization. Yet, with all this inter-association between different industries,
they are still all separated by expertise; experts in one area may not be
another. Steven Johnson’s “The Myth of the Ant Queen,” Cathy Davidson’s
“Project Classroom Makeover,” and Jonathan Lethem’s “The Ecstasy of Influence:
A Plagiarism” all focus on the notion of “collective intelligence” (Johnson
193) as called by Johnson: a concept that relates to the idea of everyone
building off of each other’s ideas and collaboration. In this case, everyone is
able to collectively amalgamate different opinions into solidified ideas, but
with this, different individuals could put to use those ideas in their own
manner. Collective intelligence reflects individual agency in all three pieces
of literature through Cathy Davidson’s idea of “crowdsourcing,” Johnson’s idea
of “organized complexity, and Lethem’s idea of “plagiarism.”
The
world works in a fashion that needs humans to collaborate with one
another in order to facilitate proper innovation. Although there may be
different industries of expertise in the world, they all do work under one
system that interconnect communities and are able to expedite the advancement
of civilization. Yet, with all this inter-association between different industries,
they are still all separated by expertise; experts in one area may not be in another. In this way, the inter-association between different industries are strongly influenced by everyone's individual work and routine. Everyone in society has a role for the advancement of technology within the walls communities. Steven Johnson’s “The Myth of the Ant Queen,” Cathy Davidson’s
“Project Classroom Makeover,” and Jonathan Lethem’s “The Ecstasy of Influence:
A Plagiarism” all focus on the notion of “collective intelligence” (Johnson
193): a concept that relates to the idea of everyone
building off of each other’s ideas and collaboration. In this case, everyone is
able to collectively amalgamate different opinions into solidified ideas, but
with this, different individuals could put to use those ideas in their own
manner. The individual input by everyone serves as a stepping to the collective service of the denizens within a community. Collective intelligence reflects individual agency in all three pieces
of literature through Cathy Davidson’s idea of “crowdsourcing,” Johnson’s idea
of “organized complexity, and Lethem’s idea of “plagiarism.”
I responded to the reviewer's comments by fixing a few grammar errors and a vague writing. I tried to make my explanation to what I was arguing relate directly to the thesis and the thesis only. The thesis has to do with how individual agency contributes to collective intelligence and in my paragraph I went into how the stories explain individual agency in their arguments on collective intelligence and how society needs individuals to work hard to succeed as a whole.
Jawad, the assignment was to post two versions of a body paragraph. But since this is what you've got, I'll offer a few suggestions: the thesis is a vague, 5-paragraph-essay style list of topics, not a claim. You should try to unfold the relationships between these concepts as you introduce them, rather than lumping them all together in a list. I think the most promising idea here is to focus on the element of expertise: how is expertise limiting and/or necessary in our accounts of what it is to be "intelligent"? Maybe you could construct a claim around that.
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