Paragraph Revision

Original Paragraph : In Lethem’s text, “The Ecstasy of Influence : A Plagiarism”, he also discusses collaboration as a means of achieving collective intelligence. Collaboration, in this context, defies what is socially accepted in our society. Lethem’s text is a conglomerate of quotations from different texts and his own synthesis. He brings a fresh perspective to the concept of “plagiarism” and proposes a thought provoking question : “Where does cheating start and creativity stop?” (Lethem 211). In other words, at what point does inspiration become mimicry? With the advent of the internet, our realm of knowledge has expanded exponentially. Or rather, our accessibility to information and ability to acquire knowledge has vastly increased. Due to this new networking capability, plagiarism is an ever-growing issue that plagues the creative world. However, it is hard to distinguish what is considered plagiarism and what is simply a product of inspiration. Lethem includes the quote “animation is built on plagiarism”, a statement that does hold some merit. The animation industry is heavily reliant upon adapting previous concepts and making them into fresh new ideas. Lethem goes on to provide examples of, what many individuals would consider, classic cartoons that would never have had come to existence without “stealing” ideas. In regards to collective intelligence, the animation industry relies on recycling content from the original pool of information and adding reworked content to it. Although different from Johnson’s and Davidson’s vision of collaboration, it still exemplifies a form of collective intelligence. Whereas in Johnson’s and Davidson’s texts the subjects work together towards one goal, in Lethem’s text creators take the product of one creator and use it to build onto the next. In a way, it’s representative of another hierarchy where one work of art is used as the foundation for another. Ultimately it is a process that relies on the independent behavior of creators. The product of these creators are what adds to the creative pool where the next generation of creators may pull from.

Revised Paragraph : Unlike in Johnson’s and Davidson’s texts which portray collective intelligence as a pool of knowledge, Lethem’s form of collective intelligence follows a “successive” model. To elaborate, in Johnson and Davidson’s text, sharing knowledge and working together with others to fulfill a given task was representative of collective intelligence. In Lethem’s text, however, it seemed as if collective intelligence meant taking a previous work and using the knowledge obtained from it to essentially build a new, different product. Johnson’s and Davidson’s texts seem to explore traditional collaboration (where individuals are actively working with each other and responding to the actions of others). In Lethem’s text, “The Ecstasy of Influence : A Plagiarism”, he also discusses collaboration as a means of achieving collective intelligence. Collaboration, in this context, defies what is socially accepted in our society. Lethem’s text is a conglomerate of quotations from different texts and his own synthesis. He brings a fresh perspective to the concept of “plagiarism” and proposes a thought-provoking question : “Where does cheating start and creativity stop?” (Lethem 211). In other words, at what point does inspiration become mimicry? With the advent of the internet, our realm of knowledge has expanded exponentially. Or rather, our accessibility to information and ability to acquire knowledge has vastly increased. Due to this new networking capability, plagiarism is an ever-growing issue that plagues the creative world. However, it is hard to distinguish what is considered plagiarism and what is simply a product of inspiration. Lethem includes the quote “animation is built on plagiarism” (Lethem 214), a statement that does hold some merit. The animation industry is heavily reliant upon adapting previous concepts and making them into fresh new ideas. The grand success of these large animation companies is a living testimony to the effectiveness of Lethem’s form of collective intelligence. In Johnson’s and Davidson’s forms of collective intelligence, there always runs the risk that the pool of knowledge simply is insufficient in solving whatever the task is at hand. In Lethem’s, however, the pool of knowledge is always being slightly adapted as if modeling a ripple effect. Ultimately this leads to a greater diversity of preexisting material. Lethem goes on to provide examples of, what many individuals would consider, classic cartoons that would never have had come to existence without “stealing” ideas. In regards to collective intelligence, the animation industry relies on recycling content from the original pool of information and adding reworked content to it. Although different from Johnson’s and Davidson’s vision of collaboration, it still exemplifies a form of collective intelligence. Whereas in Johnson’s and Davidson’s texts the subjects work together towards one goal, in Lethem’s text creators take the product of one creator and use it to build onto the next. In a way, it’s representative of another hierarchy where one work of art is used as the foundation for another. Ultimately it is a process that relies on the independent behavior of creators. The product of these creators is what adds to the creative pool where the next generation of creators may pull from.

For the revision, small changes were made to the body of the text. A few sentences were inserted into the text to further specify the distinction between Lethem's and Johnson's/Davidson's text (particularly in regards to their "forms of collective intelligence). A few lines were added to the beginning of the paragraph in an effort to connect it better to the previous paragraph. In the peer review, it was made clear to me that the fourth paragraph seemed out of place when following the 3rd paragraph which makes a comparison between Johnson's and Davidson's text. Thus, the initial sentences highlight the contrast between the two hopefully making the distinction clearer.